Speak Sweetly

My two year old is at a fun age where he's recently added spitting to his resume (which already features hitting), when he doesn't like what he's being told;) He's a strong willed child, which I know will be a valuable asset to him one day, so finding the right dicipline is essential. Meanwhile, as a parent, it's a huge frustration. I've tried everything... he's happy to sit in Time Out, he can explain why he's lost TV or his Favorite Toy for the day but no matter what I take away or how I try to punish him, his behavior is the same. Aside from this trying behavior, he is the happiest little boy on the planet, constantly filling our home with laughter and smiles so I've been on a mission to find a solution.

Just last month, we welcomed a new baby girl into our home. I was curious to see how her arrival would go over in his world, considering he already didn't appreciate sharing his Mommy. I knew his older sister was more than thrilled. She couldn't even wait to change diapers! Surprisingly though, he welcomed her with open arms. Literally, following me around the house with his arms stretched out saying, "hold her?" That was just the beginning of the sweetness. Everyday I found him by her side, holding her hand, constantly whispering something sweet...

"Hi Emmy." "Hi Sweetheart." "Mama, she's so cute!" "I love you. You're the best baby ever." "Mama, she's a good girl." "You cold? I get you warm." "God bless you Emmy." "Don't be scared. Just hold my hand."

The list goes on and on and she just looks lovingly at him the entire time. He can make her stop crying and already, the two of them just seem to understand each other.

"Understand." That seems to be a word that comes out of my mouth quite frequently these days. Usually it is prefaced by me yelling, "we do not hit." I could say it 'till I'm blue in the face and it wouldn't make a difference but just the other day, I was so tired when a tantrum arose over me not letting him close the door, that I simply sat facing him, in the time out corner, completely numb. Had I heard him ask to close the door, I would have let him but I didn't and now my morning was starting with a crying fest. I was taking it all in and the longer I sat there, completely calm and expressionless (because I was too tired to do anything more) the quieter he became and I nicely explained that it is not nice to hit or spit.

I was thinking about an article I had recently read that explained the difference between discipline and punishment. It said that discipline means to teach, while punishment means to bring pain. I was reminded in that moment that my biggest job is to teach him to be a well mannered young man and I certainly don't want to yell at my child every time he doesn't listen or is disrespectful.

It wasn't long before I had another opportunity to practice discipline. This time, I tried a new approach I had read in the article, even though it went against my best judgement. It mentioned holding your child. Knowing my son, who is quick to scream, "don't touch me!" when he wants to be left alone, I figured this would be useless before it began but I was out of other options. Sure enough, he protested, pulling away as much as he could but even though he's almost the size of a linebacker at age two, I was still able to contain him until he settled down and allowed me to once again explain that spitting is not nice and it is not acceptable in our house. By the time we finished the conversation, he was dishing out hugs and saying, "I love you Mommy!" For the first time in a long time, he actually seemed to understand. Now it was my turn to understand him. The instant I started to hear my kids quarreling, I rushed to his side, knelt down on his level, looked him in the eye and helped him to find the words for what was frustrating him so that I could teach him the words he needed to say to avoid the issue in the future.

Thinking of myself as a teacher as opposed to a parent, somehow helped with my own frustration. I found I was no longer yelling when he did something wrong but instead helping him to do something right. There's an amazing line in the Son of Man song from the Tarzan movie that says, "In learning you will teach and in teaching you will learn." It's so true. By teaching him to be nice, I learned to be nicer myself and that not only do you catch more flies with honey, but two year olds too;)

#discipline #spitting #hitting #momhandbook